I am one of those guys who stand around on the side at clubs, cradling my drink and watching the crowd, while talking to other fellow non-dancing people around me. Occassionally, I'll move from my spot, but it's either to go to the bathroom or the bar.
mikim0to has seen this and wondered why I wasn't dancing. In the back of her mind like pretty much everyone else's mind, it must be because I can't dance. I'm not the best dancer, but that's not the real reason. The real reason? I just don't like physical contact with people I'm unfamiliar with.
You might be thinking (just how she thought), you don't need to touch when you dance! That is true, except people don't really think that at clubs; especially like the one we were at, that was extremely packed. There's literally no space to move besides up against each others.
Most Asians associate dancing to grinding. It's not, but that's the norm. What happens when the girl I'm casually dancing with, moves closer? Two choices--stand my ground and let it happen or try to move away without her noticing. The first choice makes me feel uncomfortable and the second choice makes her uncomfortable. I think it's just better to not dance at all--no awkward moments.
Sometimes you would catch me dancing, but it's never at a club and always with someone I know. The problem is, people see you dancing and think it's okay to join. If you're a girl and you reject a guy, it's perfectly okay, but if you're a guy and you reject a girl on the dance floor, it's just wrong. It happens whenever I'm dancing with someone and someone else comes over--someone who knows me, but doesn't really know me. Or even someone I just met. She's like, "hey, how come you're dancing with her? I thought you said you don't dance?". I mean, what if I was dancing with mikim0to and her friend who asked me to dance before sees it? Not that any of this remotely happened, but you get the picture.
So why don't I like physical contact? I have no idea. I'm fine with people I know and talk to on a regular basis. If I don't know your last name or something trivial like if you have sibblings, chances are, I won't be comfortable. I think maybe it had to do with all the beatings I got as a kid (I got beat a couple of times a week from 3 years old to 16) and the lack of love and embrace from my parents really caused some kind of psychological damage--who knows.
So the question is, CAN I dance? Well, that really depends on what standard. I definitely can't even dream of making it on KABA Modern, but I can move without looking awkward. I actually like to dance and I hope to one day take ballroom dancing.
I wonder if there's someone else out there like me who doesn't dance because he/she doesn't like physical contact. Do you dance?
Random note: People have been wondering what I'm doing with my hand in my profile picture. No, I'm not doing the "Shocker." I'm actually trying to throw up my fraternity's handsign, which looks like an N. I'll post up a picture later when I get a chance.
Comments (31)
But erms. I don't go to clubs. even if I did, I wouldn't dance [much]. Because I'm not sure I'm comfortable TO dance. I don't think I know how, so the whole going to the dance floor and having 928310983 people you know watching you, just kinda makes me :[. lol. but i definitely agree with you, where i don't like to dance with people that i dont know. it's kinda blah a bit too me.
Ohh ballroom dancing, salsa, and pole dancing, i definitely want to take up as classes :].
Don't worry you're not the only one who doesn't really dance in class. some of my friends doesn't either, just for different reasons.
yeah, it was WAY too crowded for my tastes... which is why i liked our little corner. bwaha.
Alright, okay
I don't dance, no way
I just take my Louie rag out and wave it 'round the air
Take my Gucci rag out and wave it 'round the air
you can't grind to techno/house. ;)
one way around awkwardness is to whore it up on the dance floor. dance with everyone: guys, girls, trannies, midgets, who cares?!
But... that's platonic touching! If it's sex or dancing, I am cool with it.
I also don't want to dance with just anyone. But if me and a stranger get along nicely during the party, I'm willing to dance with him.
Dancing really took hold for me when a friend's gf came out with me to a friend's bday, and he ended up flaking at the last second. I felt awkward the whole night, worrying if she was bored, and when we started dancing, we said up front no grinding, and suddenly, the awkwardness went away, and I started having alot of fun. I don't know if it was the drinks I was having or the fact that she was hitting on girls for me, but it was way, way fun, just for the sake of dancing.
I can see where most girls are coming from when they don't want unwanted physical contact from strangers, and some guys do read too much into it. But I think in our society, people in mid-late twenties are STILL remarkably conservative and self-conscious about dancing with someone of the opposite sex, alone. I think if you don't read too much into it, grinding or not, you can have alotta fun, and get a workout in the process! =)
I love dancing and I can go crazy but I prefer to be the loony one dancing by herself. The next closest thing I'd do as a form of contact is holding the eye contact every so often.
The only times I may have danced with someone are the guys I date. Even then, I prefer no touching.
Maybe you could explain that to your partners?
= )
You shouldn't miss out on the fun...
^_^
Save me a dance one day.
=D
I'll take ya out.
@chiiii_baby -
Surprised?
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
If I ever move to NY, I'm just going to apply for a job at Estee Lauder. I mind as well.