Monday, 02 August 2010
In the past year, I've had many friends who have gotten married and many who thought the person they were going to one day marry, have their relationship come to an end. It's interesting seeing how some of these people deal with their loss.
I've had quite a few call me and talk to me about it. Some I haven't really spoken to in quite a bit so the calls came out of nowhere. Some were from those who I didn't think would result in a breakup. Others where I was wondering what took so long. While some were not surprised (about their breakup), they all wanted someone to talk to.
It's strange to me because whenever one of my relationships ended, I always felt some kind of relief--sort of like "finally, the fighting is over and I don't have to deal with issues anymore." Many of my friends however feel the need to talk about it. At first, I thought they just wanted me to listen, but it usually becomes me trying to analyze the situation from what they tell me and pinpoint exactly what went wrong.
I always felt that if you've been in a relationship for a long time (years) and you're not sure if they're the one for you, chances are, they're not. I would rather not waste my time in a relationship that has an expiration date, but many people do because feelings are hard to overcome sometimes and we all hope something good would one out of it. Not surprisingly, most people have made mistakes in their choices with who they date, but we can all rationalize that it was a learning experience. I would say for most people, it takes several mistakes to finally learn and some simply never learn.
Another interesting thing I noticed is the difference between how males and females deal with breakups. While most men usually feel anger or disappointment, most women feel sad and hurt, often helpless because they know the guy was a mistake, yet they can't let go. Most guys I know try to get back track--turn their lives around by working out and improving themselves, trying to enact some long term scheme of "getting back" at the girl by showing them what they have lost. Most women I know tend to do things to distract them and feel as if there's no way to move on, even if the guy was a total jerk.
We all know everyone eventually moves on, but it's interesting how we go about it. Obviously, time is the key, but I don't think we truly move on until we find another person we want to be committed to.
I've always felt that when something ends, something new begins. I don't think too much about the past because why let anything bring me down? I tell all my friends that there is someone for everyone. That person they were just with, simply wasn't the one for them. Life goes on.
How do you deal with those breakups?