Monday, 08 August 2011
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Earn it
"Earn this... Earn it..." These were the last words of Captain James H. Miller to Private Ryan in the movie, Saving Private Ryan (If you haven't seen this movie already, you should be ashamed of yourself. Please note that there may be spoilers in this entry). That scene always strikes a chord with me not because of how sad it is, but the realization that from that moment on, James Ryan will have live life to the fullest to make up for the deaths of the men who went out to save him from the war. Each time I watch that scene, which is probably around 15-20 times by now, it always makes me question whether I am "earning it." Am I living the life that I will be proud of when I die?
Ultimately, what matters is happiness. How happy are you? A friend of mine is reading this booked called "Happier," basically about what steps you can take to be "happier" than you are now. While another friend of mine didn't really believe that there's a systematic way of becoming happier, I had to chime in that ultimately, happiness is something that can be achieved. While what makes someone happy is different for everyone, whatever it is, doesn't come served on a silver platter. You have to go and get it, whether it's sitting around playing games or traveling the world there has to be action.
What gets the best of us is laziness and/or procrastination. Circumstances always come up where we may not have the time to do those things we like, but much of time, as I see amongst my friends is that a lot of time is wasted doing things that may not produce the most happiness, but things done to fill voids. "I had a tough week, let's go grab some drinks," is something I hear a lot. Don't get me wrong, I love drinking. I love the taste of alcohol and I love socializing with my friends while drinking. Is it necessary to do it every week? If I had to guess, one hour a day is all we need to improve ourselves so we can gain more happiness. If we spent that hour trying to better ourselves by either exercising, analyzing our finances, or learning something new by reading books or taking classes, we would be significantly better a year later.
And that's my answer to being happier--self improvement. For example, let's use one of my favorite things to do, hiking. By exercising just a little bit everyday, I get in shape. Being in shape, I can do the hikes I want. By doing more research and reading about different experiences, I can better understand which hikes to do and how to get the most out of them. Now that I have a bunch of friends who are also into hiking, we are planning trips across the country and onto other places in other parts of the world.
A lot of people think money can buy happiness, but it really doesn't. I spoke to someone last week who works for a billionaire. Apparently, the wife of the billionaire doesn't need to work so she's pretty much home all the time. She routinely goes out for lunches with her other rich friends. Since she doesn't have any chores, she's constantly trying to find something to do. She can hop on her private jet and go somewhere, but chances are, she's been there already and it doesn't interest her. I would never be a billionaire and I would never be able to have all the opportunities she can have. I personally don't know her either, but from what was described, I am significantly happier because I am constantly earning it.
I also think, much of the time, the little things make me happy as well. When my wife bakes me cookies, it makes me happy. When I wake up feeling refreshed, it makes me happy. I think for some people who seem to have everything, they forget about the little things.
What makes you happy and how do you try and attain it?
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Comments (19)
I don't see happiness as the end goal, but I do enjoy the "little things" such as good conversations, spending time with those I love, and having babies smile at me.
I'd hate for people to die to rescue me. You'd have to spend the rest of your life with the burdensome pressure of repaying that blood debt.
whoever said money can't buy happiness lied.
money does equate to happiness formula (unless you're a monk, or hippie) without it you wouldn't have many of things that make you happy now. its optimization of what matters to the individual.
i don't agree with the happiness thing. people do stupid things for happiness, imho. satisfaction, that's what people should strive for. satisfaction.
@davidian - when you say this, I can only think of that Benny Benassi song...is that wrong?
Your story about the billionaire's wife, I imagine despite all the money she is lonely. Money can't buy happiness, but it can sure make someone's life easier. If she did some good with that money, I suspect it'd make other people happier and possibly give her a sense of accomplishment. Doing nothing all day can be pretty depressing. Even more depressing to be someone else's trophy waiting for them to come home to tend to you.
If I had money, didn't need to work for it, and had an SO to spend that free time with I'd be pretty happy. Financial security means you're free to pursue whatever you want. So I wouldn't say money can't buy happiness. It's one piece of the pie.
Giving back -- whether it be helping with a food drive, teaching a class, improving the efficiency of data processing at work, paying a compliment, showing appreciation and respect, opening the door for someone when they have their hands full, being a sounding board for a friend who needs to vent, etc. I find happiness when I am doing something that is meaningful, positive, and gives me a sense of purpose.
happiness is a tricky issue. i approach it systematically though: i follow maslow's heirarchy of needs. basic things like getting fed, being housed, getting 7+ hours of sleep, and oxygen are all necessary to being happy. then comes self-esteem, self-efficacy, finding a job that i don't hate... it's a long list.
about buying happiness with money: half true. with money, you won't worry about basic necessities. no one can be happy if they're starving for days.
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Excellent post, thanks.
I actually attack the concept of happiness. The idea that - I don’t mind people being happy - but the idea that everything we do is part of the pursuit of happiness seems to me a really dangerous idea and has led to a contemporary disease in Western society, which is fear of sadness. It’s a really odd thing that we’re now seeing people saying “write down 3 things that made you happy today before you go to sleep”, and “cheer up” and “happiness is our birthright” and so on. We’re kind of teaching our kids that happiness is the default position - it’s rubbish. Wholeness is what we ought to be striving for and part of that is sadness, disappointment, frustration, failure; all of those things which make us who we are. Happiness and victory and fulfillment are nice little things that also happen to us, but they don’t teach us much. Everyone says we grow through pain and then as soon as they experience pain they say “Quick! Move on! Cheer up!” I’d like just for a year to have a moratorium on the word “happiness” and to replace it with the word “wholeness”. Ask yourself “is this contributing to my wholeness?” and if you’re having a bad day, it is.
- Hugh Mackay
@iso_o - Great food for thought. Though I agree, I am still under the impression that wholeness and happiness are one and the same to me.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I listen to my complaints and put actions towards it, make smart goals. I like to give something back, learn cooking, learn a new language and exercising.
Being around the right kinds of people brings me happiness. It doesn't matter what things I have or can do, if I don't have the right people to share it with.
I agree with you on the earning it with action part...if you sit around nothing will happen. I think it's okay to cry(sad) as long as you rise above it afterward, it definitely help in appreciating the things that make you happy.
Happiness to me is finding love, when the person you care about smile back at you, when she opens up to me, when I can make her laugh, when she does little things to show she cares...I don't think I have done enough to earn my happiness, which would explain why I don't have it...I want to push myself even it is a little by little to grow stronger...stronger enough to make someone I care about happy and in return I would be happy too.