September 6, 2007
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Funerals
On Saturday, I attended John’s funeral. Like the past 10+ funerals I have unfortunately attended so far in my life, the overall mood was very sad. It was very painful to look at the griefstricken loved ones who mourned the passing of someone they truly loved. Funerals aren’t meant to be fun or comfortable. Just several days before, a couple of brothers contacted me asking what is appropriate for them to wear. And the whole problem with this picture was, I know John wouldn’t want us to grieve for him. We should’ve been celebrating his life and not just mourning his death.
I am going to say this here so that it is documented. I am not going to have a funeral. God-forbid I die in the near future, depending on the shape my body when I pass, my organs will be completely donated. I will be cremated. Instead of having a funeral, I am going to throw a BBQ, if weather permitting. With this in mind, I am hoping to die as far away from winter as possible.
This BBQ will probably be set up by my friends and/or parents. NO ONE is permitted to dress up in formal clothes unless you normally wear that to bbqs. Stay away from wearing all black. I will not try to possess you! Please refrain from crying! You will be asked to exit the premises if you cannot hold your tears in. I want everyone to have a good tme–sit around and share stories or something.
Since I have life insurance, everything will be paid for. You do not have to chip in for anything or donate to my family! If you would like to bring food or drinks, feel free to do so. Food and drinks will be on me. Since this is my BBQ, we will be having more than just burgers and hotdogs. Definitely some pork chops, short ribs, wings, fishballs, and steak. There will only be top shelf liquor and premium beer. If you think Newcastle Brown Ale is too heavy for beer pong, you will be allowed to bring Coors Light. Just charge it to me. Anything cheaper than that (Keystone, Beast, etc) will not be permitted.
All BBQ info will be posted here. It is invited to everyone that has ever considered me a friend. Even though I passed away, I will be there in spirit. Just make sure you bring your appetite and your smile.
EDIT: Seriously people! I was being sarcastic when I was saying that crying was not permitted! I don’t believe it is possible that everyone would be able to hold back their tears. Besides, who is going to enforce the rule? Who would have the heart to? One thing is for sure, a person wouldn’t feel awkward smiling and having a good time. That is the most important thing.
Comments (36)
That’s sweet. I’ve only been to a few funerals (thankfully) but the sad ones are usually the ones where it was unexpected. Which in your friend’s case, is the case. Honestly though the mood is always somber at funerals, I felt, at my dad’s, sure I was crying a bit because it was overwhelming to see how many people came and other emotions I don’t want to get into on your comments section, people were talking and sharing memories, some of them funny, so it wasn’t all depressing and unhappy. He lived a “short” life (short in quotes because people always say he was young when he died, but young is relative, no?) but at the end, we knew it was coming, and I think that helped a lot. Whereas the other funerals were so out of left field, everyone was just shocked and you know?
(^^,) that’s so sweet… having a BBQ instead of funeral… but i think it’d be hard not to feel sad especially when we’re close to that particular person. it’ll take sometime for the ‘mourning’ state to ease-off.
ciao~
im sorry about the funeral…crying is not necessary only means sorrow or anything depressing…it can also be an expression of LOVE.
yo, can you hire a DJ too?
I like how you think, you’re reasoning is similar to mine. Ppl shouldn’t forget to celebrate the life that you had. But I think it’s ok for them to grieve as well. I hope you’re joking about ppl needing to vacate the premises if they cry, you can’t control how ppl feel or react to situations
Haha. Nice.
can i sing at ur bbq? i’ll bring fried rice.
ummm thnx for the open invite
Ugh – haven’t been on here in ages! Should be back to xanga-normal soon – sorry for the lack of comments!
-whonose-
Your view on funerals definately surprised me (in a good way). I don’t think i’ve ever heard of anyone who planned out their own funeral in details with such interesting events for such an occasion. Though i’m sure it’ll make it that much harder for ur friends and family not to cry and mourn for a man who’s so giving and considerate. And if i ever decide to steal your idea..i would want mine on a beach with people funneling and doing keg stands…to just get drunk and forget about the tears.
Also, I looked at my liscense a few days ago and a random thought came into my mind…I was contemplating for the longest time about whether i should sign the back of my liscense and do some goods for the world after my departure. I was only hesitant to do so because i know my family would be very upset to see the doctors cut me up into pieces..you know how chinese parents are very superstitiuos and i’m sure they would want me to rest in a whole piece. But your entry actually inspired me..i think i might just pick up a pen tonight and sign it. Thank you! -=]
That’s a lot of funerals you have attended thus far.
But I hope they were times of appreciating those in passing.
Have you read Tuesdays with Morrie? He had his funeral before he died and many presented what they had thought of him – I think it’d be neat to know what people thought of me before I die although I don’t know how genuine of things they would say.
On a completely diff topic, I would like your opinion on my post (since I know you are against casual dating). Please check it out if it interests you
you know…i just re-watched Love Actually the other day….the wife requesting a cheerful song to send her off to a happier place was very touching…
if i could choose between my future S.O. and I who goes first, i would choose him…..so that he doesn’t have to bear the tremendous amount of pain of losing someone you love with your life
Interesting. i never thought of a bbq.
lets be friends again. HI JIGG!!! how are you? hehe
bbq would be awesome, though i think ppl would still be crying…so that might be super awkward–crying at a bbq. funerals with my family are sad but ppl also stand around telling funny stories of all the family shinanigans uncle or aunt so-and-so did growing up.
im sure you heard the price drop on the iphone…you gonna try to get a rebate?
This is kind of morbid. :-
That’s a really good idea. I like it.
bleh still sad. yes it did make me smile more than once. but still…:( free food i am there! gosh that was such an asian thing to say (your turn to smile)
u know i never miss a BBQ
i will cry before and after the bbq
I think that’s asking a lot of the people who care about you, not to cry, I mean, but theoretically, it’s a beautiful idea. I just wish you many, many years before that bbq, though. ^_^
a celebration of life ^^
you know what? i thought that she was asking for places to go in Toronto, but after reading your comment i guess i realized that she actually meant FROM toronto! hahaha doofus me.
i know your reasons for writing this blog, but dont think of dying! thats so sad. but its cool how you want your friends and family to celebrate your life with them rather than mourn your death.
uhhhh?! it will be a lil hard tho.
i think you can ask for all this but it might not happen. no matter what, people are gonna cry when they think about how a loved one isn’t gonna be there every day in front of them anymore; they can’t ask them for advice; they can’t hear their laugh or their anger. you ask them not to think about it, but they will unwittingly. even if they don’t cry at the funeral, they will later go to the gravesite, look at the headstone and tell the dead person all the things they didn’t say before, hoping and wishing they could come back.
Interesting idea…but I think something between a real funeral and what you’ve posted above would be ideal.
lol to whoever suggested hiring a DJ… you can do pete with the hiphop, steve on the reggae note, and so on some old house and trance stuff.
i’ll carry all their stuff in my jeep.
I think that you’ve got a pretty good idea- Often at funerals they say that they are “celebrating the life” but you’re still sitting there- eaten up with greif- in your blackest blacks.
I think I like the BBQ idea… so long as, of course, it isn’t like the “Fried Green Tomatoes” type BBQ.. then it’s just gross
wow…as much as I do consider u a friend, I don’t think I can attend ur BBQ if those are the rules. Thers is no way I’d be able to hold back tears if I lost someone I care about dearly. Sometimes ppl need to cry and be sad to let it all settle in. Sometimes it actually is comfortable to feel sad. Sometimes it hurts more to try to be happy when the natural state of ur heart and mind is grieving.
=T
what you actually said abut the bbq & etc because of a death, it’s actually a pretty awesome idea. maybe you’ll be up there watching us all the time. but i will cry i think x[
i think u should send this message in along w/ the ‘BBQ’ invitation, so people won’t feel embarassed when they should accidently laugh at the ‘BBQ’ and get strange stares. no one likes to be the talk of the town and be labelled as the inappropriate person who laughed at Raymond Lee’s funeral. you should also put the message in a big poster at the ‘BBQ’ to remind people. but i think despite the many warnings not to b sombre, people would still have too much respect for your memory to enjoy themselves at your BBQ lol.
you know.. you could give more away than just your organs.. there r many hungry people in Africa, etc.. lol although this would border along the lines of cannibalism, but good food is good food and hungry kids are hungry kids. okay, maybe nevermind about that idea..it sounds a bit crazy. ok, maybe you could preserve the rest of your body for future study. (Donate organs like heart, spleen, kidneys, eyes, ears, nose, hair, fingers for kids who have lost some, toes, bones for marrow transplant, blood, lungs, cartilage, pancreas, etc. to living people.) But the rest of it like muscles, fat, etc. that can’t be transplanted into a living person, donate to research labs. Maybe keep a small sliver of muscle to cremate so your family & friends could have something substantial from you. The point is there’s no need to cremate too much–it’ll all be a matter of pounds after cremation anyways.
lol, and no, i’m not a crazy person. i’m just suggesting some more ways you could help more people. the above suggestions make a bit of sense, in my opinion. but hopefully, u won’t die anytime soon. lol
Kinda makes you wish you could crash your own funeral!
that’s really interesting..
fishballs! i like short ribs and fishballs =)
Hard not to cry, but it’s nice to know that you are thinking very positively about how life is and how it should end. Knowing a loved one has passed away is already painful enough along, i dont think crying more will make situtation any better than what it already is, so smile, appreciate, and enjoy life.
I always find it awkward when people want to take your pictures at a funeral. When it was my grandmother’s funeral, a family member wanted to take a picture of me and my brother infront of her casket. At that point I did not know what to do. Do you smile or keep a straight face? I ended up smiling because I was 9 years old when she died and that’s what you do when someone’s taking a picture. To this day I still don’t know what to do! BTW, a BBQ sounds awesome.