August 30, 2010
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The idea of Balance
I was helping my friend with his b-school essay and his topic of choice about himself was balance. More precisely, it was about his interpretation of Yin and Yang, where his yin was discipline and his yang was balance. How the idea of balance where one of it’s two components is balance makes any sense is beyond me, but reading the essay made me think about balance in my life.
We all know someone who seeks balance in their life or we might be one of those seekers ourselves, but for sole reason, I feel that we have lost the core idea of what balance is–for every good, there is a bad; for every moment of sadness, there’s a moment of happiness. And having both in your life, makes things feel more complete. At least it is to me.
Except most people are not like that. Instead, we strive for more happiness we than we need, because that’s what most, if not all people we know look for–happiness. It’s not wrong in any way, but it’s common sense that too much of anything isn’t good, even good things.
I was talking to a friend yesterday and I asked her what motivated her. She’s a simple person who only seeks a paycheck to pay rent and live. While most people want more money, more success or more material things, she’s just content. Isn’t being content the real definition of balance?
When people ask me how I am, I usually respond that I’m “not too bad.” Maybe it’s a pessimistic way of looking at things, but I like being like that. I’m content. I don’t look for more happiness and I try to avoid things that would make me unhappy. I think that it’s easier to maintain balance when you are content, but once you venture out to seek more happiness to tip that scale, you are setting yourself up and risk being unhappy, whether because you failed at your task or over-indulgence wasn’t really what you were looking for to begin with and you feel empty.
When it comes to love and relationships, I used to have this idea that I wanted a girl that was more like me. We’d have the same interests and never argue about anything. The older I got, the more I realize that it’s not about finding someone like me, but finding someone who balances me. Karen and I could not be anymore different when it comes to pretty much everything. And although we have the most pointless debates, life has certainly been more interesting so far, since we’re pretty much polar opposites. She keeps me in check and I to her. Our relationship feels wholesome and complete, even though there may be someone out there “better” for her and I.
Maybe the idea of balance is an excuse for the unambitious. But one thing that lingers in my mind is that, if I died a year from now, or maybe tomorrow, would I be satisfied with what I have achieved for myself in life? Would I have no regrets? I think i would be satisfied and wouldn’t have regrets–simply because I always concentrate on what I have at the moment, and not think about what I want to have in the future. Might be the wrong way to look at things, but it’s certainly feels good.
Do you seek balance in your life or are you the type who always looking for more? Do you think being content is not good enough?
Comments (28)
“I think i would be satisfied and wouldn’t have regrets–simply because I always concentrate on what I have at the moment, and not think about what I want to have in the future. Might be the wrong way to look at things, but it’s certainly feels good.”
I get the feeling that you can only do that after you’ve been at least mildly successful. Doing so before that point would lead to a lack of drive for future endeavors that require planning ahead and work towards “more happiness in the future” in the present. If that makes any sense. xD But I could be wrong. *shrugs*
I crave balance. But I’ve always leaned more on the side of wanting more happiness. I’m learning though. Currently I’m becoming a bit more like your friend: I’d just like a job that pays enough to pay for my rent/bills with a tiny bit extra to cover any kind of “fun” expenses that arrive.
I agree that being content is good enough. But it’s all relative. Where I could find contentment in a small apartment with my bills paid and drive a nice car… Someone else might not be content with that. Their contentment may lie in a 4 Bedroom house with two cars and a pool in the backyard.
Nice post.
it’s so weird, I have honestly not thought about the concept of balance in such a long time. Maybe because life is going at a pace that is hard to wrap my little mind around at the moment. I don’t know if I have achieved balance in my life, or that I’ve been seeking it. But I know I have peace. Maybe balance is feeling that you’re in a good place in life. I don’t feel like I’m being pulled 10,000 different directions even though I really am.
I know that if I died a year from today, I lived with no regrets.
I have always tried to seek contentment in life, but as I’m finding out it’s actually quite hard to do. Maybe I’m just not very good at controlling my emotions, and the ups and downs get to me more than they should.
Hmm… guess you’re not a Bruce Lee fan then: “…if
you always put limits on what you can do, physical or anything else,
it’ll spread over into the rest of your life. It’ll spread into your
work, into your morality, into your entire being. There are no limits.
There are plateaus, but you must not stay there, you must go beyond
them. If it kills you, it kills you. A man must constantly exceed his
level.”
@claritymay - I always do the best that I can do, always trying to be better than who I was yesterday. But I don’t try to attain things that are not important to me.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I do feel pretty balance atm. However, like a lot of people, I do think about what else is out there. That the grass is greener on the other side. I’m fine where I am but I wouldn’t mind making a little extra. That would definitely make life more comfortable. If I die tomorrow, I’ll be a happy soul for I have been touched by a lot of people. You know what I mean?
Your blog got me confused. I’ve been thinking about how to respond to this one. I am ALWAYS looking to better myself. I’m not a content person…I just want MORE and MORE and MORE.
But it is so true. The even keel people are the most content with their lives. Maybe I should just be content from now on…but then again what is there to look forward to in life if I am just happy with the same old thing?
@pinksoda117 - It’s a huge difference between looking to better yourself, and trying to attain more than what you need, no?
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
women usually look for a BETTER and BETTER life and simply not as easy to be content, at least forever or for a while. Younger girls tend to be easier for guys to chase because? they are easier to satisfy, easily happy. With experience as life goes on, people are just not as happy as before because too much worries in life and with competition people will strive to be happier. Until you’re old enough to be out of the competition and stress, you will love back at the happy moments and then try to live a happier life.
what strikes me the most about this post is your idea of happiness – that there’s such a thing as too much of it which tips the scale.
but isn’t the point of seeking balance in one’s life to be happier?
@pinkystein - I’m glad you noticed that. Seeking balance brings happiness. Seeking happiness doesn’t bring balance. How sweet is sweet without the bitter?
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
@jigg - where is the ‘like’ button on this thing?
nice one..
Money = happiness. I like my material things.
as long as i’m fed and able to chill in the sun then i’m satisfied. screw ny i need to move.
I think in finding balance, you need to be self-aware and see things as they really are. External/superficial things may provide temporary elation. Whereas, true happiness/contentment is found within you. Your perception of yourself and your circumstances determine your level of contentment. I think a person should always try to continue learning, growing, striving to be better, and improving his/her circumstances, but the reason behind these actions matters a great deal. Often times when people are attached to things, unsatisfied with what they have, or feel they are entitled to things, they become resentful, jealous, hateful, or angry when such things are lost, deemed not enough, or unattainable. How you see yourself is important in determining your own happiness and balance in life, as well. I’ve known many people who have low self-esteem, lack confidence, and/or need validation from others. Everyone wants to be loved, respected, honored, and appreciated, but I think you need to start loving, respecting, honoring, and appreciating yourself first.
I’m so glad to hear there is another couple out there that is polar opposites, because my boyfriend and I could not be more different either….about everything.
Are your tastes in home decor the same at least? In our situation, I have taste and he doesn’t. HAHA.
there are certain parts of my life that i would say feel balanced but others that aren’t. when it comes to material things, yeah, i feel balanced. when it comes to my career, i work a long time to reach a balance with students (not just discipline, but work-expectations). once that balance is reached, it’s already towards the end of the school year, so… again, the cycle restarts with the new school year and new students.
but to at least have some aspect of your life that isn’t completely balanced, i guess that saves you from having each day be a boring one.
What ever happened to Monday picture themes? I finally got a phone that has decent picture quality so I can partake–dragging my dslr around is too much of a hassle. Bring it back please!
@jigg - Yes. But where do you draw the line? When does it become excess?
i’ve realized that a relative balance is the key to achieving the closest state to happiness as possible.
i think – like you said, where most people get it wrong is that they get to one level, and try to get to the next without fully appreciating the benefits of being at the level they’re on. so in the end, the cycle becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy of disappointment. like you’re voluntarily putting a carrot on a string in front of you.
…when your family is living in poverty, and you’re their sole ray of hope into living a more comfortable life, then the sense of urgency trumps the idea of merely being content. however, i still embrace the present; it makes the journey much more enjoyable and minimizes the weight on my shoulders. i believe i’m great at balancing–maybe not in terms of happiness or wanting more–but in terms of tackling responsibility and managing to hold on to my sanity =)…
@iTzLyLaBaYbEe - I think it’s the same idea. If I had to support my entire family and keep them from starving, I’m going to do my best so that everyone gets fed. If you are successful with actually supporting your family long enough for them to have a chance and do great things, then you can decide whether that’s good enough for you.
Not everyone can afford happiness, but I think a lot of people we know think they don’t have enough of it and that’s false.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Very interesting post. I’m with the poster who said self-knowledge is necessary before you can reach a *healthy* sense of *contentment*, which is completely different from and too often confused with complacency.
Sounds like a Stanford essay to me
.
Balance is increasingly important to me but also increasingly more difficult to find…
That is why.
I like the idea of content but I struggle with being stagnant. I guess that’s the most vague but most accurate way I can put it.
I think there is nothing wrong with ever wanting to improve oneself or one’s position or condition in life so long as its within reason, balance, logic, etc. But there are some points/periods where one can really look at life and just chill and be content with things as it is.Still, I’ve found that life isn’t static for long and the winds of change are always back season after season.