April 28, 2011
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Passive aggressive
Yesterday, after work, I drove to Jersey to finally put color on my tattoo. Mrs. jigg is NOT a fan of tattoos. In fact, she almost bursted into tears when I came home with my new tat last November.
Usually, we would pack our lunches the night before. If I’m busy, she’ll pack it. Last night was one of those nights where I was a bit occupied. I actually didn’t finish my session until a little past 11. I got home past 12 and Mrs jigg was really worried about me. Upon entering the kitchen to get water, I noticed dinner on the table, but my lunch box was unpacked. First thought in my head? “Uh-oh…. she’s mad.”
I used to think there was never a need to be passive aggressive. I was easy to talk to and I like it when people openly express themselves. That way, there’s no misunderstandings. But what do you do when the person already does something you don’t like? When you have already said what you wanted to say and they don’t change their mind?
That’s exactly what happened last night. I looked at my empty lunch box and felt terrible. But what could I have done? My koi was naked and needed coloring! I had to either give him some shading so it would definitely have required a second session regardless.
I guess being passive aggressive, Mrs jigg was able to openly express her anger without repeating herself. I guess the best I can do is keep my tattoos to a minimum.
Though I’d like to add that this morning, Mrs jigg began packing my lunch when she was done getting ready. I knew she was still a bit annoyed with me, but she knew that she got her point across. This marriage thing is getting more interesting by the day!
Are you passive aggressive?
Comments (41)
awwwwww that’s so cute! (I mean the packing of the lunches) Show pics of ur tat!
I try not to be because I think it’s important to work through things, but in such cases where discussion is bootless, I think I end up being that way. I probably would have reacted just like your wife.
passive aggressive is my forte… i think im using it too much though… hahahhhaha trying to reduce it, its getting annoying~
LOL, just be glad she’s not like my mom who would’ve probably thrown whatever object was nearest.
I mix it up. I tell people straight up, “WTF,” or I’ll tell them I have a problem with them…and other times, if I know someone isn’t going to level with me (even though I tell them to tell me if I do something they don’t like) then, I’ll do the PA thing, but not on purpose. It’s more of me being nice and not punching him or her.
I used to not be passive aggressive. Until I started working. There’s a lot of stuff that can’t be openly expressed in the work place and that’s the best you can do to convey yourself.
So why would your wife care if you have tattoos or not? I can see her mandating you to cover them up around her friends but I don’t see how she can ban them outright.
I often wonder if blogging about one’s spouse and their passive aggressivity is passive aggressive? *tease*
@nimbusthedragon - It’s not only because I have already called her out on being passive aggressive for not packing my lunch. lol.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i am, i got it from my mom. haha
i’m the type who doesn’t to show anger and still try to be more patient, no matter what. i know, hidden anger = not healthy. i’m working on it though.
I’m not exactly sure how you did this, but my heart held very still and then bent inward when I imagined her emotions, worried, frustrated, and muted, standing alone in the kitchen with no sounds except maybe those made by the kitchen clock.
Some people might say that ppl who are p/a are unwilling to deal with a problem, but you realized that it’s because what they’ve wanted to say has already been said, and no more could be said without it being seen as nagging. I think in a sense, I’m slightly passive aggressive, because in my experiences, i HATE nagging, so I want to avoid being seen as a nagger.
However. I know a lot of guys don’t respond well to p/a girls. hahah
I am the master of passive aggressive. With that said, it’s very frustrating to be on either side of the situation.
@jigg - BAM.
i hate passive aggressive! i’d rather not. i’d probably be the one that would still pack your lunch but once u step through the door.. “WHERE THE F@#%@ #$^#$@”
BTW, did you ever tell mrs. jiggs where you were going in the first place? haha if you didn’t, she def had a reason to be pissed
@KBBxo - lol. Of course she knew! I tell my wife everything. Like I said, I believe in open communication so there are no misunderstandings. Funny thing was, she saw my tattoo this morning and asked me why wasn’t some of it colored. I had to tell her that I had to go back to another session. She didn’t look too pleased. =X
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I love that this is the second blog entry i read from you and that you end it by asking a question! Anyways, Yes I would say I am passive-aggressive. I used to be more passive but I grew a little spunk inside of me and If I don’t like what someone is doing or whatever, I’ll tell them like it is. There is nothing wrong with having a little ballz once in while.
@jessdeng08 - I always tend to ask questions because I’m always curious of responses. On the otherhand, there are some who HATE that I do this… ahem… @wonderland7386
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
@jigg - Lol well I love that you ask questions =] I might end up doing that for certain entries. good way to get some feedback and insight into other people’s thoughts
i think it’s cool that you though her passive aggressive maneuver was something to think and translate it into her being quite angry and really meant it rather than thinking she was irrational about it.
I still prefer passive aggressive to f’d up in the head aggressive… I’d like to give a shotout to my korean ex-gf’s out there…
@jigg -
and I very non-passive aggressively told you my opinion 
@wonderland7386 - Like I said, I’m never offended by blunt criticisms. =)
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I am passive aggressive… but it’s only when my communication does not reach the person I want to address it to.
i cannot deal with people who are passive aggressive – I’m never aggressive, my fighting style is very cold, very quiet, and very condescending, but I will always let my fiance / incredibly close friends and family know when I’m upset.
Sometimes I have to resort to PA because there are times when I don’t feel like I have a right to be angry and speak my thoughts immediately.
I’d rather bring my point across, however passively, through my actions and hope that s/he will understand why I do what I do (like your wife.) Most of the time, they know when they’ve upset me.
It’s my way of bringing a point across without having it to lead to a big showdown. Not to mention preventing violent confrontations.
For the record, his appointment started at 6.30. By around 11, you’d think he would be done after 4.5 hours.
Actually i suspected him of spontaneously deciding to get another tattoo.
And I already told him I was annoyed. I didn’t use the lunch thing to hint my annoyance. The act was a manifestation of my annoyance.
I’m aggressive passive. “I want to give you the biggest hug ever you sweet sweet man!” said yelling at top of my lungs.
Lol! What Mrs. Jigg did is something I could totally see myself doing to the Man.
If I’ve already expressed my feelings once and He doesn’t listen or want to take my feelings into consideration, He better be prepared for whichever way I react. ;p
post a pic of ur tat already
im not passive aggressive. im just aggressive. aggressively angry. lol.
A couple who have gotten this down perfectly:
http://milmillington.com/
I think I am the passive aggressive type…I become very quiet when I am upset and I would consciously avoid the person…then there are some RARE occasions when I would speak out firmly, when it gets to that point I am boiling.
I don’t like tattoos either. anyway I’m passive aggressive to a degree. but that’s usually when I’ve given up on the person.
@deux02 - hush you.
i hope you and karen sorted things out. apologise apologise and apologise again buddy!
I would think that it bodes well for a marriage when the couple works things out nonconfrontationally. If u have one party who must always go into indepth discussions about every little thing that annoys him, wouldn’t there be too much conflict?
yes i definitely am. I’m actually really direct with what I say, but I feel that if I tell everybody that they are failures in my eyes.. I’d have a lot of fist fights, or it’d get too awkward for surrounding people. I also don’t like to mess up the vibe of the room, so I’m pretty sneaky with it..
One guy will make a backhanded comment to me. And I straight out insult him.
Though now that I think of it, that’s not too p.a.
There are times when I have a frenemy in the group, and to keep it less awkward. I hint to him that I disapprove of him, and that he should stop hanging out with us.
Example: Me: man, I had the toughest day of work, we got x y z done today. (Tells frenemy first)
Heads to restaurant with group + frenemy..
Sit down, we all decide ordering some bottles would be nice.
Frenemy: Oh we can get a bottle here cheaper, and half the price.
Me: Well Frenemy, we aren’t there, and we’re here now. Stop bringing down everybody because you’re too lazy to get a job.
Actually now that I think of it.. Is that P.A., or is there another term for it?
everytime i see the word lunch box… i think about all the old school plastic lunch boxes with the thermos we use to carry. the fact that she didn’t say anything and just didn’t pack your lunch (while you knew exactly why she was upset already) maybe merely shows the situation annoyed her and she probably didn’t feel like packing it or doing something nice for you at the moment? lol. and that’s okay for a wife sometimes, but never the husband right!? haha jk.
kind of. so i don’t know if that’s really being per se, passive…you two are cute together.
hell yes. absolutely. if you have no intention of listening to whats coming out of our mouths, youll pay attention when we do something you abhor.
Marriage is like a deck of cards
Two hearts and a diamond is all that are needed
For a marriage in
heaven to be made
But by the end, of far more use
Is a big f…g
club and a spade
I think people sometimes get confused over what passive aggressive really means. It’s not always just about our actions, such as leaving notes behind rather than just saying it as well as in the example you provided. Passive aggressiveness is far more psycological than it is by simply our behaviors and actions. I grew up in the Midwest and mindgames and indirectness is common among the people there. People always assess and analyze before making outward initiations. It can come across and unfriendly because people aren’t in the open about things. But I guess, I still have trouble over what passive aggressiveness is and how it applies itself in daily interactions.