May 12, 2011
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Values for friendship
When you meet someone for the first (or first several) time, what do you look for in order for you to feel like you could be friends with them? Last week, my friend and I explored this topic over Mac ‘N Cheese. Living in NYC, meeting people is easy, but establishing friendships might be a little harder depending on your wants.
For her, you have to be interesting. She has met too many people who bore her to death with the same small talk questions that lead nowhere. Nothing turns her off more than when she is doing all the work in leading the conversation. In her opinion, she wants to only be around interesting and fun people. Obviously, being trustworthy and dependable is important too, but before she learns this about them, she can’t be bored.
I, on the otherhand feel differently. I always need to know if I can trust people first and if they are genuinely good people. I’ve come across very few people (maybe 2-3) in my life where I couldn’t carry a conversation with. I think anyone can be interesting, as long as you find out what their niche is, conversation comes natural. During this time, I pay really close attention to what they say to me and how they say it. Although I’ve heard some pretty unbelievable stories before, I have some of my own as well, which always leads me to know that unbelievable stories can be true.
In order for me to not trust someone, I have to know that I have been lied to or deceived. Inconsistent stories usually do them in and I make mental notes of that.
At the end of the day, it all comes down to what we value. Investing in friendships, just like any other kind of relationships take a lot of time and effort so it’s not wrong to be picky in my opinion.
What do you look for when making friends?
Comments (26)
Hmm. All the people I know who say they want to know someone “interesting,” are actually asking for clownish, embarrassing people, which is interesting, but no where as deep as they lead people to believe.
chemistry and ease.
“What do you look for when making friends?” STRICTLY WITH EARS.
loyalty.
I like to know whether or not they can hold their liquor.
@supanamja - In that aspect, I’m more interested in their choice of drinks. Surprisingly enough, I have a large handful number of friends who do not drink at all.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
@jigg - That too. If someone tells me they like scotch, I watch what they order like a hawk and then judge accordingly. It’s silly and superficial of me, but I do it anyway.
@supanamja - lol. EXACTLY what I do. What makes you shake your head the most when people say that? When they order blends or expensive blends with ice?
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
@jigg - Expensive blends period. I mean on the whole, not all blends are terrible, black for some reason is acceptable to me but if someone goes for the blue THEN I shake my head. And then you want to put ice in it? Get the fuck out of here. If you like scotch why are you murdering it?
Have you been to the bar at Keen’s, The Brandy Library, or Vintry? Three great spots for scotch. The menu at all three places is extensive.
@supanamja - lol. I have a bunch of friends who drink Blue (with ice) and think it’s the best thing in the world. I have another bunch who will mix their Black with green tea (definitely an Asian thing) and think that’s the best thing in the world.
I sip mine neat and they all think I’m the one who is crazy.
I’ve been to Keen’s, but honestly, unless someone else is ordering for me, I don’t get out of my comfort zone of Macallan 12.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
hmm, definitely chemistry. i can’t hold a conversation with many ppl so if it flows, thats +1. i’m usually the more ‘interesting’ person.. some ppl hold back too much. i’m very open and outgoing and i look for the same.
@jigg - …. scotch and green tea? wtf!!!!
I love trying new scotches. It’s part of what makes it a hobby for me. Have you ever tried some private bottling expressions of Macallan? Stuff by Signatory or Robert Scott? There is a 1973 Scott’s Macallan that is straight up amazing dude. Expensive as fuck but it is ridiculously good. There’s also a liquor store on Madison that has a privately bottled Macallan that was aged in the Caribbean like rum. I might pick up a bottle of that this weekend. All that aside, I have a comfort zone too. If I don’t want to think about it, I just order whatever Islay they have around.
@supanamja - When I first started drinking it about four years ago, I tried as many as I could. I learned a lot about what I liked and what I didn’t. A year later, I made my rounds again, just to give everything another try now that my palette is accustomed to the taste.
I think I have tried many of the brands, but not all of the vintages since many are either unavailable or too expensive. With that said, I’m pretty done with trying something new unless I went with someone like you and you recommended something to me. We’d drive it together and I would offer up my opinion.
Otherwise, I stay within what I like. I always stay away from Glenlivet–unless my only other choice is Black. But even then, I might order a Jameson and stay away from a blend.
Lastly… Islay? I’m not a fan. Maybe I should give them a third try since I’m definitely more seasoned now than before. Even then… I don’t think I could warm up to it.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
i look for heart and character. people with those two things are the best. and character whcih is derived from integrity.
i’m with @petitetokio - i also look for chemistry and ease. i know it sounds so elemental that it’s basic but i’ve found that friendships, through all the shades of interaction, are relatively all about being in a comfortable give and take space.
I look to see how the person reacts to other people…. can’t stand people who judge other people
@MochaSprinkle - While I agree with you in terms of looking to see how they react to other people, isn’t what you think after seeing their reactions considered judging? lol.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
@jigg – Lol..touché!
you know when i know they are going to be my friend? When we CLICK…….we have to click
I look for respect, possibly common interests, values, and personality.
Trust is the #ONE thing I look for in friendship. The people I gravitate toward are usually not consider popular or trendy but they are genuine…they act and say exactly what’s on their minds even if it is dorky or kind of awkward (but with no harm intended). The next thing is how they treat others, I like polite and courtesy people.
Integrity first and foremost. I concur on pickiness.
i only want hot guy friends. ^_^
you have more patience than i
based on looks and convenience. ^^
just keeeeeding.
I know it’s wrong for me to say this, but in some aspects, who the person associates with is a factor–especially if it’s a workplace kind of friendship. I’m still fairly new, but observing other people and who associates with who. Associations weren’t as pronounced until this year (either that or I was oblivious), but now I regret being friendly to some people who are associated with those I don’t exactly like.
Also, I guess this works too in terms of the type of people who would force me to do things against my will versus people who encourage but stop if I say I don’t want to.