July 5, 2012
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None of your business
Just the other day, while going to Facebook, a friend of mine posted a rant about people who are always asking her the baby question, when is she planning, is she working on one now, what are they waiting for, etc.
She’s been married to her husband for a few years and for whatever reason, do not have kids. I’m never curious about these things, but since getting married, I’ve gotten that question quite a few times. While it doesn’t bother me, I can certainly understand what my friend is going through. Would people really feel better knowing the answer? It’s a very personal thing–something that should be between two people.
What would these questions accomplish? So they can know that they might not want children? To know if they’re having sex? To know that maybe there’s a problem? Whatever the response is, it’s no one’s business.
So next time you bump into a friend and you want to catch up, maybe a simple “any kids yet?” is sufficient. If the response is in the affirmative, great, but if it’s in the negative, it’s best to stop right there and not venture into private territory. I don’t know anyone who ever wants to be pressed for answers when it comes to these questions–cliche, but we should always remind ourselves that we should treat others in ways we wish to be treated.
Comments (22)
Invading other couple’s personal lives is never really interesting. I’m equally baffled as to why people are so drawn to asking about things like that.
okay, i’ll do that in the future
I think it’s just one of those things where people say things just for the sake of saying something, like “how was your day?”
*like*
I’d avoid “any kids yet?” That’s leading. Best to not say anything; couples who do not plan on children will appreciate this.
korean adults need to shut the fuck up about kids. FOREAL. they’re like “OMG you’re 29?! you need to have at least one kid right NOW. RIGHT NOW. you need to do it. DO it. NOW.” ok, maybe not exactly like that, but close.
that LITERALLY makes me want to wait EVEN LONGER to have kids just to spite them. SO damn annoying.
What I get a lot is, “So do you have any kids?” I don’t mind the questioning at all. But I totally understand people who are bothered by it.
I mean if I were unable to have children, I wouldn’t want to go and tell every person who just wanted to make small talk and asked the first question they could think of after finding out that I was married. “No children because I have this or that problem and cannot bear children.” Yeah, unnecessary to tell the average Joe walking down the street.
I used to not think it was a personal question, but have grown to understand that it can be quite personal and should not be taken too lightly. You never know what can of worms you may accidentally open.
Ah, man. The perks of being black. No one ever asks me when I’m having kids; they congratulate me for NOT having any. xP
It is rude.
But if you have ONE child (particularly by design) get ready fro a LOT worse.
Then they don’t ask…they TELL YOU that YOU MUST have more.
ONLY IS LONELY…what BULLSHIT!
default question
I just got into a conversation about this the other day. I don’t think it’s a necessary question to ask people. Some people just don’t want kids. To each their own. I don’t get why people feel the need to ask at all.Oh yes, they are NOSY!
Some people are just too dang nosey!!
I remember coming across a coworker at church and seated next to her was a girl probably 8 years old. I thought that was her kid, and she said it was her niece and she had no kids. Should have ended the conversation there, but knowing she’s been married for about five years I asked, “no plans?” she said, “we’re trying.”
Foot-in-my-mouth experience. That was probably the third time I heard a coworker when they talked about their kids or kids in general… Like, oh, you have girls? No boys? “we’re trying.”
probably best just to avoid the question.
I agree – people should drop the subject after a simple question, lest they venture into private territory.
I personally avoid the kids question altogether based on my own experience. I’m a person who does not want kids, and whenever I am asked about it and respond that I do not want any, people often turn on me and won’t leave me alone, telling me I’ll change my mind, saying it’s different when they’re my own, asking me why I don’t want them, etc. I’ve even had a couple of people call me selfish for not wanting children. I’ve noticed that when people respond that they do have or want kids, they are not questioned about their choice, made to explain their reasons, or told they’ll someday change their mind about their own children. I’m glad that you’re someone that knows when to draw the line of decency, and understands that it’s a very personal decision that shouldn’t become a community issue.
same with the when are u getting married question
It never ends. When I was single, people asked me why/when I would have/find a BF. Then it was when are you guys getting engaged, etc. Some people just want to make harmless small talk but I’ve run into a few who keep pressing for more for whatever reason. At that point, it really does get annoying!!
People are nosy! I get that question all the time and it’s really getting annoying.
I went to a nail salon with my niece a few months back. The nail lady asked me if my niece is my daughter, I said no, she is my niece. She then asked if I’m married, I said, yes, for 7 years. She then asked me if I have kids, I said, no, but I have a dog. She then said (word for word), do you want kid or do you have problem?
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