July 2, 2012
-
Wedding speeches
This past weekend, I went to a wedding where I heard some of the worst speeches I have ever heard in my life. After going to over 70 weddings in the past 6 years, I definitely feel like I’ve heard them all. I was wrong.
The Best Man speech was hands down the worst speech ever. I’ve heard very long and dull ones where the story and speech was going nowhere. I’ve heard some inappropriate stories. This one topped it.
The Best Man began the speech by calling the groom a “dick.” As soon as I heard that word, I knew it wasn’t going in the right direction. There’s no place for profanity in such an environment, not only because you’re on video, but mostly because friends and family, including children are there. The speech goes on to tell a somewhat story about underaged drinking, laced with profanity throughout and that’s when disaster struck. He then basically tells everyone the groom was a manwhore/womanizer and was always about “quantity over quality.” Instead of saying he’s a changed man after meeting the bride, he then tells everyone that that bride is on the top of that quality list.
The Maiden of Honor and Maid of Honor speeches were not as bad, but that’s only juxtaposing it to the Best Man’s. Maiden of Hour was crying throughout her speech, often mumbling words where no one could hear. Maid of Honor was giddy and bubbly, but gave off the feeling of bitterness in her speech that she was always the one just tagging along–always the third person between the bride and the Maiden of Honor.
If any of you reading ever get married, do what I did and tell whoever is giving the speech that it shouldn’t be more than a minute long. I’ve been timing speeches in the past 15 or so weddings–the average Best Man speech is about 4 mins. The average Maid of Honor is about 6 mins. It’s way too long. People’s attention is lost within the first 30 seconds if your speech is not interesting. After 2 mins, people don’t even listen to it anymore. Make sure you also tell them to make it funny, but also keep it classy.
I’ve noticed that the guys tend to try and talk about random stories that don’t have a point or punch line or they go extreme and try to embarrass the groom.
The girls usually get very emotional and usually in most cases, seemed to google every positive adjective they can find and then say the bride is all those things. I’ve heard speeches from maids of honor where you could substitute the bride’s name from the speech with anyone else–very generic.
If you’re the one making the speech, follow a very simple formula–
1. Introduce yourself.
2. Quickly thank everyone for coming
3. Quickly tell everyone where/how you met the bride/groom, focus on a trait and then tell a funny, but not too embarrassing story as an example of that trait.
4. Then be serious and tell everyone 1 or 2 extremely positive traits about the bride or groom.
5. Focus your attention on the new spouse and congratulate him/her for marrying your friend.
6. Congratulate the new couple.Luckily for me, my self-proclaimed “Best Man” made an awesome speech, probably the best I’ve heard. People remember who gave the good ones and who gave the bad ones. Don’t be remembered for giving the bad ones.
Comments (21)
Great tips!
I’ve heard one really great best man speech. It’s important to remember who the audience is when speaking publicly.
Great advice…
I like your formula. Simple and effective.
Thanks! I’ll keep these tips in mind when I start attending friends’ weddings.
When I got married no one would even give a speech! But I think I would of rather had none that have to hear a speech like the ones you just mentioned! :)
@CuddlyKat - Really?! No one would give you a speech at your wedding? I don’t think I’ve ever been to a wedding where no speech was given. That would have definitely been something different!
But I’m definitely on the same boat as you–I’d rather have no speech than that kind of speech. It was horrific.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
@jigg - Yeah it was pretty bad. The best man said he didnt know he was supposed to give one, so he didn’t have anything prepared! And my maid of honor said she was too shy to speak in front of everyone! Gees!
the difference between men and women.
I think one minute is too short. We told our moh and BM two. They both talked pretty fast lol. There were no tears either. I think tears during a speech are cheesy. Just sayin.
Thanks for the pointers! I actually have to do a speech next month!
Btw, what’s the difference between Maiden and Maid of Honor? Are they not the same?
hehe don’t you think you’d be impartial to your own best man?
@happyobligations – lol. No because not only was he not my best man, I’m also extremely critical of everything he does. In fact, he has the least social skills (or most socially awkward) of all the groomsmen. His speech really delivered–surprisingly.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
@MariaBoscardin – Yes they are! Except one is married and one isn’t. Which means in this case, the bride had two MOH.
Goodluck with your speech! 2 mins is sufficient!
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
@MJeeeeeeeezy – 1 min is not too short, but I agree that 2 mins is better. It’s just that if I said 2 mins, people will think 3.
And yes, crying is cheesy.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
@jigg - Thanks!
And that’s where I got confused because everywhere I was looking said that “Matron” was for married ones
@jigg - aww he probably rehearsed it a lot then
@happyobligations – lol. He did.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
Great tips – I haven’t attended as many weddings as you, but I definitely thought of some after witnessing horrible speeches. My first is “SPEAK UP” and “NO ONE CARES to listen to you tell the bride (or groom) how much you love them or how much they mean to you, save that and the tears for in private.” And geez, shorter shorter shorter… like you said.
What about if the Best Man sings? I experienced this last weekend. The first 30 seconds were fun because the Best Man cannot sing, but two freakin’ minutes. Uggghh!
Seriously, I’ve heard SOOOOOOOOOOOO many bad speeches. I’ve only been to one wedding where I thought the speeches weren’t bad. Asian weddings are so chaotic already and then there’s the language barrier and in general most people are not good public speakers. As an audience it just comes off super boring. I already decided at my wedding that NO ONE will be giving any speeches of any sort.LOL.