I'm getting ready now to head to my "bachelor's party" for the weekend.

Kind of in a hurry, so I'm just going to leave it at that.  But before I go, I just want to ask... based on what you know about me (based on everything you've read), what do you think will go on at this bachelor's party?

I'll post up the details in my next entry on Monday and we'll see who came the closest.

An interesting conversation came up this weekend concerning a mutual friend who recently got out of a long relationship. Since the breakup, he has been noticiably happier, smiling more than any of us has ever seen him. Anyway, a couple of us dissected the relationship and it was interesting hearing what the women thought versus the guys.

One person thought it had to do with timing. In fact, I think she always thinks relationships fail because of timing--if the two people were at different points in their lives, it could have worked.  If they were more mature, it may have worked out.  The reality of the situation was that neither was who the other wanted, both with flaws that were dealbreakers to the other. Both thought the pros out-weighed the cons, but it came to the point where there were arguements were daily and patience was wearing thin.

My response to the aspect of timing is that it really boils down to maturity.  Maturity in men and women is really different. Typical/generally speaking. a man might never truly know what he wants until he has it, whereas for women, they tend to have a good idea of what they want.  Men can only begin to understand what's in his possession and decide for himself.  I think a boy becomes a man when through is experiences, he realizes what he doesn't want. This step is important because his whole life changes and while he doesn't have any specific direction to go in, he knows what to avoid.  Unfortunately, age doesn't really correlate because a guy can be in his 30's and still not know what he doesn't want.

Although I attribute maturity for men as knowing what they don't want, I think the difference between a girl and a woman, is when they understand which battles to fight. Girls tend to fight every battle, while women understand that some battles are worth forfeiting. The difference here is control versus support. Girls always want to be in control by fighting for it, but women gain control as a by-product by offering support.

With that said, I think it's hard for girls and boys to have a successful relationship.  The girl will mature at an earlier age.  The difference between her between 22 and 26 are drastic.  But for guys, there may have been very little growth between 22 and 30.  I think it is not because men are mentally inferior, but that society has allowed them to take their time.  There's no reason to rush.  Men typically don't think about marriage until they're in a serious relationship.  They can become fathers without being a husband first.  And lastly, most men feel they always need to have a strong grasp in their career before thinking about marriage, which may take many years.  Without the conscious drive to be actively seek out someone they want to spend the rest of their lives with, they may not come to the realization of how to make such a decision until they have to.

Now that my friend is single, he still may not know exactly what he wants.  However, the failed relationship has given him clarity in terms of what he doesn't want in a girl and that is a big step.

I'm not even joking when I say that I got that question over 50 times on Saturday.  I went to my fraternity's annual softball tournament and every brother I sat down to chat with asked me that question.  I answered along the lines of, "Good, nothing changed," and many of them were shocked.  It was as if they expected marriage to be some kind of dimensional shift for the relationship and life is completely different.

I expected my marriage to be relatively similar to how things were before we got married.  I didn't think much would change except for our marital status and it may take a couple of years or at least having one child before things would be different.

What are your thoughts regarding marriage?  What I mean is, if you aren't married yet, what do you expect marriage life to be like?  And if you're married already, is marriage life different from what you imagined it to be before you got married?

As some of you may know, a 9-year old boy was abducted earlier this week by someone in his neighborhood and was found brutally murdered. The man was caught and confessed to the crimes. As this whole thing unfolded, people began asking, "What was a 9-year old doing walking home alone?"

When I was 8, I was already walking to and from school alone. Times are much safer now than it was 22 years ago. I was riding the subway by the time I was 9 or 10 years old. By the time I was 11, I've probably been around many parts of the city, riding the train.

What happened to the boy was unfortunate, but it's also something that could happen to anyone.

There has been a slight raise in crime lately, but still significantly safer than it was when I was a kid. I would certainly allow my kids to walk home from school if it's only a few blocks away.

Do you think it's wrong for the parents to allow the kid to walk home alone, assuming that the distance was very close?

As we were began our 8-mile hike on Saturday, a conversation somehow started regarding my zombie apocalypse team--a list of 3 people I would want in my group in case there was a zombie apocalypse--to ensure maximum chance of survival.

Being the resident zombie enthusiast of the group, my list is apparently the measure of "greatness," signifying someone who was physically very athletic, mentally prepared to put down anyone who turned down, zombie survival knowledge and the kind of personality that wouldn't clash with the other three members of the group.

The lone female of our hiking group wondered why there weren't any females in my group and for the next hour, tried to reason why she should make the list. It really got me thinking--is such a situation really the test of my ethics? That deep down inside, I'm actually sexist?

I tried to explain that this was just all "on paper" because the reality is, if such a situation really arose, I'd just have whoever that's alive on my team. I'm not sexist because all my choices happened to be guys. To pick a top three favors men more because if we really think about it, the top three most physically fit people we know would more likely to be men. Within the group I was hiking with, none of the guys would choose a female on their team, not because they are sexist--it's just that there are at least three guys they know who would be better choices.

This is not to say that all guys are better choices. If I had to choose ten people, there might be one or two females I would choose, over the many other hundreds of guys I know.

Physical attributes are extremely important, but as I said earlier, there are other factors. Being able to mentally tough it out is very important. Being emotionally stable will significantly increase your chances of seeing another day. Having zombie knowledge is very key too because it would affect your decision making skills. Things like going to the mall (or Wal-Mart) or police station during an outbreak is a mistake. Picking up the wrong weapons, tools or supplies are huge mistakes. And lastly, working well in a group is extremely important. I have a friend who served in the armed forces--been to Iraq and Afganistan multiple times. But he and I wouldn't work well together and our clashing of personality would seriously slow us down.

All these things need to be taken into consideration. If you had to choose three people that you know who would heavily increase your chances of survival, who would they be? Would any of them be female?

EDIT:  Test yourself--how do you rate?  Zombie Survival Quiz: http://www.newsandentertainment.com/zfzombiequiz.html

A couple of weeks ago at a company conference dinner, the topic of how I met my wife came up. For you long time readers, you know I met Mrs jigg on Xanga. I always respond, "We met online." Maybe it's because I want to see their reactions since they usually ask, "Which site? Match.com?"

It never surprises me how many people think relationships can only start via dating websites. Back in the days, before these site, people met on chat rooms, specifically AOL for me. Almost two decades later, I'm still friends with some of those people. But even when I attend their weddings, people are always surprised when I say I met the groom/bride online, in a chat room.

So to my coworkers both here and abroad, I explained that my wife and I are both bloggers and we met because we read each others' blogs. The inevitable follow-up questions are, "You blog?" as if it's such a surprising thing to do and "What do you blog about?"

It's a tough question since there's really no theme here. My response is usually something vague like, "I blog about life." It usually doesn't get me too far because they always ask about specifics and even imply, about the point of blogging. You figure it's 2011, every other person should have some kind of social media site (outside of FB) where they actually write about things.

Coupled with the knowledge of my forearm tattoo, these people must think I'm really some kind of rebel. Blogger and tattoo enthusist? Must be a rebel. One of the super high up senior management guys said to me, "Ray, I always thought you were some conservative accountant." Ironically, I'm neither.

Of course, the question I dread the most is, "so what's your blog?" A bunch of them actually tried to google me at that moment! I said I would send it over to them. Funny thing is, one coworker who was really interested is based in a country where Xanga is blocked. She would probably never be able to read anything concerning my blog.

While I know many people who wish to keep their blogs private from the people around them, I personally don't mind at all. More readers!

Anyway, what are your thoughts regarding your blog and the people you work with? Ketchup and soy sauce? Two things you wouldn't mix together?

I think it's so easy for people to miscommunicate and misunderstand one another.  Much has to do with everyone's effort to be tact with what they say, and how the person hearing it, deciphers what is meant.  Another issue is when people try to think of what the other person is thinking and then speaks accordingly.  For example, you want to go to point A, but you think your friend wants to go to point B, so you say you want to go to point B instead, trying to avoid a conflict.  Or say your girlfriend asks you if she looks fat in a dress and in your mind, you think it's best not to be so straight forward.  Instead, you either lie and say no, or you try to be tactful and avoid the question altogether with an answer like, "maybe try another dress" (or something of that nature).

I have a real problem with this kind of communication.  I love truth.  I prefer to hear truth all the time, regardless of how it makes me feel.  I know not everyone can deal with such directness.  Some people just want affirmations.  My friends know that they would not get that from me.  They know that if they asked me a question, they would get the exact truth out.  I also expect the same in return, but I noticed that many people aren't used to being honest.  A good example was many months back, I asked my mother-in-law about doing a small banquet in Boston.  I would plan it, pay for it, etc.  That way, all her friends and family members don't have to trek all the way to New York.  Instead of agreeing to this idea, she tells me not to do it.  I ask her if she's sure and things would be easier on the guests, but she tells me no.  I'm not going to beg.  If she doesn't want to do it for whatever reason, so be it.

For our wedding reception here, we asked her numerous times who she was inviting.  She said only family and insisted on no one else.  Now, she wants to invite everyone.  It's really hard for me to plan a wedding that's going to happen in 2 months when there are suddenly many more people who are not anticipated to come.  At first, I was upset that she threw us this curveball, but I became really irritated when she blames us for not having a banquet in Boston.  Obviously the situation is much more complicated than what I described, but overall, if she was honest and straight-forward with me, I would have planned accordingly.

I guess for people who know me, it might be a lot easier, but for those who don't, often stick to their own ways.  I always tell people to be as honest with me as possible because it will be the same way I am to them.  Though it's funny because sometimes when I say this, the respond with, "Oh, I've been told I'm really blunt."  I think in terms of communications, offering frankness without it being requested isn't the best way to go about things.  "You really got fat!"... is not the way you want to start any conversation.  I firmly believe that truth should only be given to those who request it.  You won't know I think you're fat unless you ask me if I think you're fat.

How are you when someone asks you a question?  Do you take their reactions into consideration before you respond?  What about you on the receiving end?  Do you want the truth all the time?

Wedding planning with Mrs jigg is really an eye-opening experience. While we discuss our thoughts, the process is much like how we decide on anything--do want you want, no compromises. We divide up our responsibilities and put our own touches on things. Anyone that knows us knows that we're nothing alike.

While I have assumed probably 80% of the responsibilities, based on our talks, you would think that our roles were switched. I breeze through all my tasks such as finding and booking the location, meetings with the caterer and figuring out the logistics so everything runs smoothly, Mrs jigg is trying to beautify everything--basically putting a woman's touch on this event.

What is this woman's touch really? It's taking something, anything, regardless of how simple or complicated things are and making it about 10x more complicated. Like instead of a guestbook, she plans on doing a wishing tree. The whole idea of a BBQ wedding is about the people versus the event itself. While I envisioned a wedding that people would just have a great time, Mrs jigg has a vision where people would think about how pretty everything is.

As her husband, I'm not going to stop her. In fact, this whole thing is the perfect way to show how the two of us approach anything in our lives together. You cannot imagine the difference in demeanor between us. While I am relaxed and have everything thought-out and ready, Mrs jigg is really stressed. This was the reason why I decided to do most of the planning. She would probably suffer some kind of breakdown because of her want for details. As for me, I told her that while her touches would enhance out wedding, even without it, it would still be awesome because 1) it's a BBQ wedding and 2) we are in it. Chauvinistic and very arrogant, but in my opinion, nothing says awesome like BBQ and being around the people you care about. Unless of course, you're vegetarian or vegan.

EDIT---This is the first time I'm using the editor through Safari on my iPhone and it sucks--formats are not saving. Why isn't there a Xanga app again?

EDIT 2---Had to go on a computer and make the format edits.  Sucks that my iBlogger app is crashing.  Might actually have to blog on a computer until I can get that app working.

-So I'm supposed to be at work by 8:30 today.  That would mean leaving my house 30-45 mins early.  Since it takes me about an hour and a half, I would have to wake up earlier just to make sure I catch the right train and ferry.  I don't use an alarm, but since I was sick and had to take meds, I decided that it would be a good idea just in case in I oversleep.  I woke up this morning, got out of bed, showered and did my usual thing.  As I was putting on my shoes, it had finally dawned on me that I have in fact, woken up an hour earlier than I intended.  Instead of setting the alarm to 6:15, I set it to 5:15.  Major fail.

-Traffic in SoCal is pretty bad.  I mean, it's not as slow as it is here in New York City, but that's because we only have 3 lanes.  In SoCal, the highways (freeways) are 4-6 lanes and yet, there's always traffic.  There are HOV lanes that move pretty smoothly.  The craziest thing is that unlike most of the country where HOV is for 3 or more passenger vehicles, in SoCal, High Occupancy Vehicle means, more than 1.  I was so tripped out that the thousands upon thousands of cars stuck in traffic all have only ONE person in there.  No wonder our gas prices are so high these--the gas consumption is crazy!

-While I'm on the topic of my trip, it really sucked that the weather was cold (60's to low 70's all week) and sunless.  The last time I was in SoCal, was two years ago in April where the highs were 98-105!  For eight days there, there was not a cloud in the sky.  I was disappointed to find out that NYC had better weather.  It also sucked that I got sick and spent a couple of days walking around like a zombie, trying not to affect Mrs. jigg's first time in California.

-The In-N-Out versus Five Guys versus Shake Shack debate has come to a definite conclusion for me.  I've had In-N-Out about a few times before, but never Animal Style.  So the second we got off the plane and got our rental, we drove to the nearest In-N-Out.  I ordered the Double Double, Animal style.  It was really good--definitely better than the first four times I've had it, definitely better than Five Guys.  But anyone who has eaten the Shack Stack at Shake Shack (say that five times fast!) knows that this competition is really a no-brainer.  The fried portabella mushroom patty that is stuffed with cheese, on top of their delicious patty made of sirloin, chuck and brisket, gives it an awesome combination of flavor.  Plus the sauce is about 10x better, which makes it the ultimate burger.

-While it's great that I got a great deal on my car rental by first going on Hotwire and then bidding it lower on Priceline, the free upgrade from a Hyundai Sonata to a Mustang really made the trip awesome.  I drive a Pathfinder--definitely a beast when it comes to weight of the car, but there's nothing crazy under the hood.  I felt like I was flying on the Mustang where I had to constantly look at my speedometer to make sure I wasn't going too fast.  When there's no traffic, everyone in SoCal speeds, so it's really easy to hit 90mph and think you're still going 75.  I can't wait to get a new car.

-I went to a Chinese banquet style wedding in Orange Country last Saturday.  The most surprisingly thing was that they had a decent selection of beer!  I had Newcastle all night, but to think that a Chinese restaurant would have even heard of Newcastle was mind-blowing.  Nothing says awesome wedding like a good beer selection.  That's why for my wedding, I plan on shopping for my own beers instead of having the normal stuff catered.  Yeah, Coors Light does the job, but a Hoegaarden infinitely better.

-The other day on my way home, a girl was in front of me and I guess she saw my face when she was holding the door.  She asked me if I was jigg from Xanga and said she was a fan of my blog.  She told me to keep on writing, even though I mentioned that I was running out of things to write about.  It's hard coming up with blog entry topics has been really hard as of late.  I don't even know what to blog about anymore so why don't you guys help me out a bit.  If you want me to keep writing, why not suggest a thing or two (or ten).  I guess there's just nothing that's going on my life that I think is exciting enough to blog about.  I'd write about my wedding planning stuff, but most people don't really want to read about that.  Any help would be greatly appreciated!  Thanks!

I used to visit sunny California about twice a year, but things came up like getting married that got in the way. Mrs jigg and I will be traveling together for the first time. We've been on weekend road trips but this would be our first real vacation since being together. We have two weddings to go to (Thursday and Saturday) so we're going to try and cram as much as we can in the little time that we have.

I always thought that it was important for a couple to have traveled together before making the eternal commitment of marriage. With every partner the person should also be a good travel companion. Just like relationships where you never know how someone is until you date them, it's the same with travel companions--you never know how they are as travel companions until you have traveled with them.

I use to wonder what kind of travel companion Mrs jigg will be. Would she be the kind who is down to do anything and see anything or is really picky about her interests and therefore, excursions? Would she complain about being too tired or would have a problem with the kinds of foods that we can eat?

It was a risk I had to take when I decided to marry her. Just like with everything else that is an unknown when it comes the marriage, you just have to accept the fact that everything is all part of the journey.

How important is it to you that your significant other is a good travel companion? Would you break up with someone you realize you can't travel with? Or would you suck it up and deal with it?