http://sharingblankets.com/2011/12/family-planning/

My parents were tough as nails when I was a kid. I used to be so scared of my father that I’d pretend that I was asleep so that when he got home and my grandmother reported my bad behavior to him, he wouldn’t wake me up and kick my ass. I’m pretty sure he knew I wasn’t asleep, especially since I was born with a sleeping disorder

I don’t think my dad has ever said the words, “I love you” to me or my sister. But what’s funny is that he says it to my nephew all the time! What’s up with grandchildren that turn tough Asian parents into marshmallows? For years, I have been trying to get my dad to buy a dryer. They’re old school, which means some clothes are still hand-washed, and all clothes are hung to dry, in the backyard if it’d warm or in the basement if it’s cold. But the clothes don’t feel nice because they become hard, mostly because of lint. My dad kept on saying, “my house, my rules, no dryer because it’s a waste of money.”

Fastforward to last week, when my nephew was here for the week. He has a blanket that he loves to hold onto, but because he needs it every couple of hours, it’s almost impossible to wash. The only way is to throw it in the washer and then in a dryer, otherwise it wouldn’t dry in time and he would cry nonstop until you gave it back. It had to feel the same and smell the same too. Can’t even use a different detergent, softener or dryer paper on it. So we had a dilemma. What did my dad do? He told me to go out with him and buy a dryer. We just went out that day, looked at a couple of models and bought one. The whole thing from decision to purchase was like 2 hours.  For YEARS, I couldn’t convince him. One needy grandson was all it took to turn this grumpy Chinese man, to a giant teddy bear. My father holds him and plays with him. I can’t remember seeing my father so happy all the time.

I’m glad that my nephew is around often enough that my parents don’t give me any pressure to have my own.

My father with my nephew at around 6 months.  He’s 2 now.

I’ve lost many things in my 30 years of existence… keys, money, friends, love… basically all the things normal people would lose one time or another.  I have this defensive mechanism where I just shut off and rationalize why I shouldn’t be upset.  Lost my keys?  Well, I doubt whoever finds it will know where I live.  Lost money?  I can always make more of it.  Lost a friend?  Not worth my time to dwell on a lost friendship since there are plenty of friends that I should focus on.  Breakup?  It was meant for the best–she wasn’t the one for me anyway.  Someone passed away?  Celebrate their life, not their death.

Anytime there’s some kind of loss, I would deal with it that way and I’d feel better right away.  However, recently, I found out that I cannot deal with all losses this way.  I was literally depressed throughout an entire weekend–didn’t want to eat, couldn’t sleep well… the works.

During most of last year’s snowboarding season, I wanted to get a helmet cam to film all the snowboarding runs.  I did a lot of research and the Contour+ had everything I wanted–great look, awesome HD clarity, GPS, Bluetooth, the works.  Unfortunately, the price tag was like $500 and way out of my affordability range.  Since I was saving for my wedding, huge purchases weren’t allowed and I figured that by the time the wedding was over, the price will probably have went down and I could get it in time for this year’s snowboarding season.  But before I was finally able to pull the trigger, a bunch of my closest friends chipped in and got it for me as a wedding present.  The surprise I had when I opened the gift was probably one of the top 5 moments in my life where I could say that it was truly nirvana.

I put the camera back back in it’s box and next to my bed–just to keep it close to me.  As I was going through all my things to try and gather all my gear in preparation for this season’s snowboarding trip.  It was then when I realized that I could not find the camera.  I didn’t panic as I figured I could have misplaced it somewhere.  It was strange because people who know me, know that I’m OCD and I usually do not misplace things.  But as Saturday was coming to a close and I still had no idea where the camera was, it dawned on me that someone must have taken it.  I knew where I left it.  I kept it as close to me as possible.  I asked all my family members and no one saw it.  At that moment, depression really hit.  It wasn’t so much that I couldn’t just buy another one… sure it would be $500, but it was a gift and I the thought of telling my friends who got it for me, that I had lost it without even using it once, was killing me.

All night, I felt like I had lost a piece of myself.  I suffer from bouts of depression every now and then, but it’s never because of any one thing.  It just a random feeling of sadness.  This was different–I knew why I was sad and I couldn’t shake it off.  I came to the conclusion that it must still be in the house.  The only person who could have taken it is my two-year old nephew and he must have hid it somewhere.  He occasionally comes into my room and just makes a mess of things.  I think holding onto this hope was what really got me to look everywhere again.  Finally, I found it–it was in a bag, hanging behind some of my clothes.  I’m pretty sure what happened was that my nephew put it in there and then when my parents were vacuuming my room, they hung the bag up.  Since it was behind my clothes, I didn’t see it during my first two days of going through virtually everything else.

Surprisingly, when I found it, I was really happy, but it was Mrs. jigg who was thrilled.  She was ready to burst into tears!  Literally!  I think she was able to see how sad I was going through this “loss”, but couldn’t think of anyway to get me out of the funk.  She even suggested buying me a new one.

It was interesting that such a simple thing could get me to feel this way.  I have never lost anything that for long moments, I felt hopeless.  I somehow got myself to believe that it was still in the house and that my nephew didn’t accidentally throw it away in the garbage!

Anyway, have you lost something that made you feel like it was the end of the world?

I noticed that my most popular entries, the ones that have thousands upon thousands of hits and are constantly recommended, are always the ones regarding bad relationships and breakups. Interestingly, my “happy relationship” entries get no love. Why is that? Do people just love drama?