December 6, 2011
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Losses and sadness
I’ve lost many things in my 30 years of existence… keys, money, friends, love… basically all the things normal people would lose one time or another. I have this defensive mechanism where I just shut off and rationalize why I shouldn’t be upset. Lost my keys? Well, I doubt whoever finds it will know where I live. Lost money? I can always make more of it. Lost a friend? Not worth my time to dwell on a lost friendship since there are plenty of friends that I should focus on. Breakup? It was meant for the best–she wasn’t the one for me anyway. Someone passed away? Celebrate their life, not their death.
Anytime there’s some kind of loss, I would deal with it that way and I’d feel better right away. However, recently, I found out that I cannot deal with all losses this way. I was literally depressed throughout an entire weekend–didn’t want to eat, couldn’t sleep well… the works.
During most of last year’s snowboarding season, I wanted to get a helmet cam to film all the snowboarding runs. I did a lot of research and the Contour+ had everything I wanted–great look, awesome HD clarity, GPS, Bluetooth, the works. Unfortunately, the price tag was like $500 and way out of my affordability range. Since I was saving for my wedding, huge purchases weren’t allowed and I figured that by the time the wedding was over, the price will probably have went down and I could get it in time for this year’s snowboarding season. But before I was finally able to pull the trigger, a bunch of my closest friends chipped in and got it for me as a wedding present. The surprise I had when I opened the gift was probably one of the top 5 moments in my life where I could say that it was truly nirvana.
I put the camera back back in it’s box and next to my bed–just to keep it close to me. As I was going through all my things to try and gather all my gear in preparation for this season’s snowboarding trip. It was then when I realized that I could not find the camera. I didn’t panic as I figured I could have misplaced it somewhere. It was strange because people who know me, know that I’m OCD and I usually do not misplace things. But as Saturday was coming to a close and I still had no idea where the camera was, it dawned on me that someone must have taken it. I knew where I left it. I kept it as close to me as possible. I asked all my family members and no one saw it. At that moment, depression really hit. It wasn’t so much that I couldn’t just buy another one… sure it would be $500, but it was a gift and I the thought of telling my friends who got it for me, that I had lost it without even using it once, was killing me.
All night, I felt like I had lost a piece of myself. I suffer from bouts of depression every now and then, but it’s never because of any one thing. It just a random feeling of sadness. This was different–I knew why I was sad and I couldn’t shake it off. I came to the conclusion that it must still be in the house. The only person who could have taken it is my two-year old nephew and he must have hid it somewhere. He occasionally comes into my room and just makes a mess of things. I think holding onto this hope was what really got me to look everywhere again. Finally, I found it–it was in a bag, hanging behind some of my clothes. I’m pretty sure what happened was that my nephew put it in there and then when my parents were vacuuming my room, they hung the bag up. Since it was behind my clothes, I didn’t see it during my first two days of going through virtually everything else.
Surprisingly, when I found it, I was really happy, but it was Mrs. jigg who was thrilled. She was ready to burst into tears! Literally! I think she was able to see how sad I was going through this “loss”, but couldn’t think of anyway to get me out of the funk. She even suggested buying me a new one.
It was interesting that such a simple thing could get me to feel this way. I have never lost anything that for long moments, I felt hopeless. I somehow got myself to believe that it was still in the house and that my nephew didn’t accidentally throw it away in the garbage!
Anyway, have you lost something that made you feel like it was the end of the world?
Comments (16)
Is it just me or is this hilarious? The thought of losing this camera broke you down more than losing your keys, a relationship, and death.
@SushiRobotLoveAffair - Doesn’t make much sense to me either. lol.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
whew! sentimental, yet rational. and that’s why mrs. jigg loves you so very much I’m sure!
it would have been very sad if someone had really stolen it.
unfortunately i go through bouts of losing things regularly, and moreso now than ever. recently i “misplaced” a necklace my fiancee had gotten MADE for me from a shell he found. i couldn’t find it for 2 weeks and i kept looking for it. finally i found it – in my jewelry box all along… :/ sometimes I don’t understand myself. I was super sad about it because it’s my favorite – not only is it something special from him, but also, it’s not tacky and goes with everything so I wear it a lot. it’s kind of silly but if I never found it I would probably remember that I had lost it for a long long time.
In 2004, I went to Korea and one of my aunts bought me a MP3 player. I never had one before, so it was a big deal. About a week before we were moving, I had to pick up some friends from a bus stop, they took turns checking out my gift and we spent the day, catching up, movies, shopping… you name it.
Then on the day of the packing, I couldn’t find it. I couldn’t find my MP3 player. I rarely lose anything, so when I do, I tear the house apart until I find it. Except this time, I really couldn’t find it. I thought…”OMG I’m losing my mind.” I felt like I really was. I got really upsetand angry. Then we moved to the new house, unpacked everything, I even volunteered to stay overnight at the new house by myself because I had to unpack and search. My parents told me to forget about it, they’ll get me a new one, but really I’ve only had it for a couple of weeks.
I still don’t know, more than a decade later, what happened to it. We theorized alot (my family and I) what could have happened. I could have dropped it instead of putting it in my pocket after I picked up my friends. But they had turns checking it out. So could one of them forgot to return it back to me when we got back to the house? Was it snagged on a purse someone? But didn’t I ask all my girl friends (who came over) to check and they all said they didn’t have it. Two of the girls never returned my calls in regards to it, so I don’t know.
So yeah, at least YOU found it. But this has taught me a lesson…a very upsetting lesson…to keep everything in place so I don’t forget. So glad you found your camera again Jigg.
I read the whole thing and I felt myself get antsy….. then you left off the detail I was waiting for. WHERE DID YOU FIND IT?!
=O
@Vitamin_D - lol. It’s posted in the entry… second to last paragraph…
“Finally, I found it–it was in a bag, hanging behind some of my clothes. I’m pretty sure what happened was that my nephew put it in there and then when my parents were vacuuming my room, they hung the bag up. Since it was behind my clothes, I didn’t see it during my first two days of going through virtually everything else.”
Not good enough? It was in my room, hanging off my closet door. I usually have my ties and belts there, but my parents did laundry recently and hung some clothes there, thus covering the bag.
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I’m glad you found it! I look forward to the pictures/video!
@jigg - Oops. Sorry. Must’ve skipped over that. =P
Some losses are different than others.
Recently, I lent something to someone for a photo shoot. The item was left in our office where, presumably, it was safe. After the shoot I found out the item wasn’t used, but when I went to retrieve it, it was gone. I admit, I freaked out; not only was this thing precious to me, but the thought that someone I knew and trusted would have taken it (we are a small staff and no outsiders had been in the space) was unthinkable. When I read your entry, I had that same feeling of dread, wondering if someone you knew and trusted had taken it.
I find as I get older it isn’t loss that bothers me but, rather, the idea of betrayal (whether active or simply as a byproduct of carelessness, selfishness or disregard) is the hardest thing to bear.
BTW–as in your case, it turned out the thing I lost had simply been misplaced and my faith in humanity was duly restored. Ha.g.
Love. Hope.
$500? really just buy a new one.
I’d probably feel that way if I crashed my motorcycle… but then again, that thing costs couple thousand.
i thought this entry would be more depressing. glad it was just about a camera
I tend to feel that with things that really were not there in the first place. Was the result too much expectations in some other person I barely know, emotionally speaking. When it went away, knowing I would never talk to that person I again, I really felt a deep sense of loss. Rationally, it makes no sense.
lol at yosho. just buy a new one? not everyone is like really well off. and besides this was gift!
i remember i thought i lost my CAMERA that my bf bought me for xmas. it was around $500 too and i felt really empty. i mean someone bought me a gift and i was suppose to hold it close to me lol. but at the end my sneaky sister took it! BITCHHHHHHHHHHHHH lol
@nomilktoday - lol. Yosho doesn’t have any feelings… Things have no sentimental attachments to him. The guy is cold as ice!
-ray leeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
I recently just lost my wallet in Korea.
I just came from the bank with a lot of money in it because I was going back to the Philippines for vacation. On the way I think it fell from my jacket. I lost all my money, but the only thing I was worried about were the IDs in that wallet. I had a week left before my flight, and if I didn’t produce any ID, I wouldn’t be able to go back home to the Philippines. I think it’s not the fact that I lost the wallet or the money that made it feel like the end of the world, but the fact that I lost it at that time. I wanted to go back to the PI so bad!